me a little more rooted in Lyon. The reading of JL PL Park has not stifled the relationship. The park girlfriends are expanding charming young women (Annie, Marjorie, Muriel, Elise) with whom cordial, even friendly complicity can be established. Elise and Muriel have children: it does Aviva late for my procreative impulse. I who, after breaking up with Sandra, I resolved to a secluded existence, replete with lovers from time to time, I joined today the setting of a child with BB as a new stage of life. After my
wave of mailings, earlier this week, unsolicited applications from training institutions, already two events (making appointments, and refer to a document type). Maybe new collaborations that will offset my perspective off the Galen Institute.
A very pleasant evening at Bonny and Eddy Wednesday night with other friends, confirms the friendship is woven joyous encounters passersby.
Road to the Aisne, after two years of absence: I hope the stay focus on that without the contribution shared emotional resurgence of old tunes, or test to know my opinion on a particular slice of life.
I leave with this in mind, although I doubt that some existential themes will be discussed by Heim. For his birthday, celebrated ahead Sunday, I bring him a drink of the Vendée (specialty purchased at the Cellar holiday) to the palace, and history of humor in the history of France Guy Breton to mind. Among the parliamentarians
adoptions this summer, an increase of 60% of ministers' salaries to compensate for the suppression by the government of Jospin envelopes, secular practice for additional compensation therefore. The media are obviously eager to put this information in parallel with a very low increase
SMIC. A report quite artificial, but excellent for soliciting and social discontent in the cottages of the "France from below" in the words raffarinée . The convict Bove offered a walkabout in the spotlight before resuming his favorite anthem and stigmatize blows to the "France in the basement." In form, Bove, despite the treatment cell.
the train Paris-Laon, three-quarters empty, so often taken in the second half of the 90s, I still think to this passage in the castle, with many improvements that I will discover the atmosphere that I going to. I'll have to juggle the level I want to let my new life emerge. Affection, but from any kind of drift that would promote the effusion to backfire. Saturday, August 3
first part of the stay while watered condition. Controversy and will not surprise: new proposal for Heim edit my Journal ! He alluded to the promise made to my father never edit it to better evacuate.
Very warm to him again, but he felt unwell at home since this morning, and the fact is: I do not really feel in my element, even if all the emotional apparatus is deployed.
the progress of work in the castle, including rehabilitation (ongoing or completed) of the two main parts down. Very welcoming spaces for furniture and many decorative elements. In trade with Heim, evocation of the news people more or less familiar: the folly of the magistrate Hubert success magnificent nephew Thierry (the head of one of the largest firms of bailiffs of Normandy) the lives of successive declines of Florence R. aka Kiki, the two children (seen in photo) Alice, etc..
From my side, some revelations: carnal including my very brief history with S and the project of a child with BB in the medium term. On this last point, I might have done better to abstain. I feel the pressure break (kindly addressed) to visit with this future offspring.
Journal , and volume I (91-99) A copy mess, I take this new proposal with caution. No runaway premature, but if the book can actually exist, I will not deny myself this pleasure.
Tomorrow looks pseudo family pronounced with the arrival of Sally, Hermione and Angel. This afternoon, a few laps in the pool Max rolls located at the bottom of the garden with a concrete structure around it and a shed to house the technical components, clothing and comfort.
Tonight output restaurant and, without doubt, nightclub with Karl.
Yesterday evening, a text from my BB gives me a kiss and I reassured the content of my stay by writing back. Sunday, August 4
20h. As expected, the end of the second part of stay has drifted to the pseudo-catharsis. A meal while affection, kind words, in warm and then, gradually, some elements of conflict emerged: my new concept of existence, my unease in this context, the linking of my girlfriend (and a any child) with the castle ... All of these sticking points that concern me more. I stay in bonding, but I feel more and more foreign to those wishes to raise the irreconcilable.
According Hermione I would hate the thought of existence in its constructive approach ... Well too bad! That leaves me in terms of what concerns me. This adherence to systematic patterns of thought in which I no longer recognize myself remain a source of repeated failures. They take me as I am, an essential condition for the continuation of a report.
True that my conception of existence can not be approved by the couple -Hermione Angel. Does this mean that we deprive ourselves of being? Maybe it did nothing more important to share. I felt in the voice of Hermione, saying much love me nothing in common that remains to initiate encounters. Change is good, home, hopeless, and without an ounce of despair. My fulfillment lies in my life in Lyon. And my BB I miss his love, his kisses, his warm body, his constant attention. The presentation I ever? No desire to mingle with this existential theatrology finally, even if intelligence is extreme, always comes to intellectual monomania.
Monday, August 5
Back appreciated in Lyon and delighted to find my BB and his greedy mouth. The gravity of this stay in northerners not yet evacuated. Divergence and existential malaise in contact with the resurgence of life tasteless for me now. Even want to unbosom myself on the subject. Resume Lyon
my rhythm, my dear, my friends and acquaintances, and his latest volume Leautaud before a real holiday week in Royan ... Tuesday, August 6
A time reduced this gray day on a sentimental duality: BB in a relaxing and invigorating me. The Estelle, Muriel and Co. declined the invitation.
Seen this morning at the late breakfast, the last part of Thema recorded on Arte and dedicated to the amazing phenomenon of the suicide bomber. The profile of the three "pilot death" of September 11 revealed the intellectualized phase of this process: young people adored by those around them, their acquaintances, brilliant in their studies, with a bright future, adhere to Islamic fundamentalism and are determined to self annihilation the deadliest possible. Nothing's portrait of those who are indoctrinated (by fair means or foul) since childhood. The hatred of the U.S. model they abused to better exploit its weaknesses, and the desire to win another road takes the place of ideological anchor. Added to this is the firm belief of a paradise for martyrs who makes life on earth totally ridiculous. What ambivalence in these monotheistic religions: some sources of morality, a more humane approach to the relationship to another, they might as well, with ill-intentioned scholars, legitimize the worst atrocities. This is enough to prove their character fundamentally human, not divine.
Friday, August 9, 23h
Tomorrow, at dawn, the great journey east-west to join Royan. A website provides the best route free of those six hundred and twenty kilometers to perform eight hours seventy-seven km / h average. No high speed into perspective. The real road to vacation time as thriving (but deadly) 7 as the national major axis.
Heim left a message Thursday on my laptop: said sorry about the turn taken by the end of the stay, my affection and renews hope that I do not be returned too bitter. I sent him an email today with the reproduction of some photographs taken of the castle. I may recall at the resort royannaise. I feel no bitter return to Lyon, where it started, was actually a relief. I have neither hatred nor resentment, nor especially nostalgia: a detachment for a life form that has more appeal for me, that rings hollow. My disengagement seems as deep as was my involvement in the early ninety. In my yard ... is the principle teacher for the new decade.
already fifty-five pages, typing tight, quotes selected for the JL until year 32 (in progress). I will then juggle all this literary material for the details prism collision ... A nice dive in this digest of the best moments of jl operated between 87 and 88. My conservatism was not in vain: fourteen years after I use it for my thesis!
rotten summer (albeit at Lyon I could enjoy the sun burning) will, hopefully, see a truce next week. Sunday, August 11
start low and stay under heaven windy drizzle. Mini-game Monopoly and Adele Elisa euros (ten every two years) and then passing on a nearby beach in late afternoon. Improvement tomorrow ... the English point should then emerge as the first real vacation day for BB. Early this morning unexplained sadness on his part. It seems to accumulate negative feelings and crack somewhat without taking further the dialogue.
Wednesday, August 14, 0:30
A bright Tuesday: beginning to advanced English to let off steam in the troubled waters of the Atlantic following the shadow of the house of Robert (father of Sally) to wander in International Mail ; end with my BB in the bustling streets of Royan. Karl expected tonight will bring his vitality under a sky that is blue hope. Good
Small night ... Sunday, August 18
At Cellar since yesterday noon, mixed picture of the stay in Royan: pleasant for me, a source of discomfort and grief for my BB. As I apprehended, the current is not passed between her and Sally. With great subtlety, the mother of Karl has demonstrated a certain indifference to BB, restricted to the basic conveniences of a host. This unspoken weighing, where his perfidious hints slightly wounded one I love. Sally certainly has not done this in mind, but the irresistible tendency to impose its schemes for the benefit claimed of loved ones (emotional deviance characteristic of castle ) ignored the people you chose. This reinforces my not meeting my emotional universe (and perhaps family, if a child is born of our marriage) and northerners. The presentation of BB to my parents and my brothers has not been missed quite the contrary.
With Karl, always the same chemistry, a being that I like very much because it seems to follow the path I have chosen and my sentimental choice, even if the ideological pressure of northerners is powerful de facto. Fun meets at Tapas Bar Royan (open for just over a month) on Friday night to Saturday. Karl was again in charge of the effort of collision. After Estelle and Amelie, now Chris and Emily, two young girls (25 and 22 years) whose conversation and sensitivity accompanied us till five o'clock in the morning. For Karl, a nice way to end his very short vacation. A friendly relationship could arise again.
Yesterday, a late afternoon on a beach near Saint Michel Chef Chef, then a restaurant on Atlantic's with BB and his brother, despite our very pleasant hours of sleep to catch up.
The unsettled weather that morning was ultimately beneficial for writing.
20h. Informative visit to the tower Oudon. The horrors of the Terror crystallize on Galerne spree and mass drownings: Carrier, the little Hitler Auvergne parachuted governor of Nantes, embodies all that is worst in an ideology which wants to establish itself as the only way. Monday, August 19
Glass made in Nantes with BB and his brother in a bar-pub singular. Run by former prostitutes who were officer the golden age of Gabin, led by their mac of old, wooden feet and open shirt on a round belly and dull, this place has its atmosphere of an arrangement unusual and eclectic decor. Niches, nooks and crannies of dress materials for lenses and visitors to multiple sources: a Maousse bellows, sewing machine, the edges of a fireplace ...
Lunch at noon in the restaurant and Marie-Laure her husband (BB Friends) in Nantes again.
No return after texting my sent to Emily and Chris.
The summer break draws to a close gently. In one week, soft resumption of my interventions Forpro unless other collaborations and lessons not in addition, which would do the most good for my boxes and save me from snacking too my very modest background reserve. In addition, if a replacement income (ie the Assédics) allotted for July and August, my finances will return to a proper balance. I work since 1987 with salaries in copyright, then pay for all or part from 1991) and the unemployment benefits for two months, a first in my career I have not claimed too expensive for joint bodies!
Volume XVIII of PL JL acknowledges the important impact of Interviews with Robert Mallet . Leautaud seems to oscillate between meeting a reputation amplified to 80 years and the annoyance of this accumulation of stresses that disturb the wild in cities.
By September, I'll subscribe to Cahiers Leautaud , led by Edith Silva, and try to acquire (or request) back issues. This offers me a basic confrontation between my thoughts on the bugger Fontenay and those of other supporters or detractors (though I doubt that they can express their criticism in these pages).
At the funeral of Gide, and especially at the sight of the body, when the popular writer, Leautaud can not hold back his tears sincere sorrow for the death of his colleague in writing or heightened awareness of time passing and of his impending doom? Harvest time for the grim reaper in our emotional or friendly countries should be particularly painful and distressing when we know that our moment to be harvested is naturally (and so quickly!) Arrived. I suspect what these canonical decades, if I succeed. The ski nostalgic regret of unfulfilled, the sense of not having embraced full every second and, perhaps, serenity of one who is part of a collective history, beyond self. Day Tuesday, August 20 on the road from Nantes to Lyon, with a lunch break at P. Corey at (mayor of the town), his wife Lydia and daughter Adele. Remains in a half farmhouse, tastefully renovated, a cozy interior and a lovely couple. Adele always lovely to me, and a little less temperamental Royan only with his parents. Chitterlings famous as an appetizer for our return to Lyon.
Haro on motorists!
Big black point of the day, in the form of human pus: the average motorist on the roads. The edges of some routes are now littered with dark silhouettes representing victims of fatal accidents, this does not limit criminal idiocy of some people, these same places, take risks unheard of to win a ridiculous time. If it passes this time, the danger they pose to the surrounding (motorized or not) is not acceptable.
When will the government take appropriate measures to eliminate from the universe unconsciousness these potentially dangerous road, these little terrors of driving he must crush in the bud. Tired of this tolerance that kills ... the complicity of the current system, which tolerates or forgive the worst behaviors, makes questionable commitment to eradicate crime road. An open letter to potential criminals from the road can only vent his author: he must crack down ruthlessly. For example: the cancellation of the permit and the inability of the LIFE board in case of a fatal accident caused by a road behavior dangerous. It should even extend to the type of drift even if this meant that the wounded or offended jail, so do not wait until he kills to banish him from driving. What must be retained is the intention of having an attitude criminogenic ... the rest is only a matter of chance many factors and should certainly not be used as mitigating circumstances.
I hate those drivers who consider themselves powerful in a repugnant impunity simply because they are driving, exceed, surpass! Clowns dangerous to evacuate as quickly as possible to avoid the death of innocents.
Yesterday in my mailbox, among the bills and the acceptance of my compensation from the Assédics, just an envelope with Loïc registered on: to my surprise a word of Elen (I'd cross the street Tete d'Or just before departure for Royan ) wishing a nice day, see me at the park ... and she leaves her phone (mine was thrown). I informed BB. Is this a resurgence of feelings (she had said, during this brief interview, having well digested our separation and does not want friendly ties) with a hope to reconnect as I did not have the informed heart taken ? Fun event anyway. Friday, August 23
Passage flash fonts with my BB, just enough time to make a few kisses to 
grandmother, to present my sweetheart, lunch all three at Gentillet restaurant The Boar Cabrières of spend a few moments in the garden, dinner with my beautiful at the brewery Pézenas Molière, walk to night in some streets and alleys of the town, then go back to sleep Fontès make a big hug after a delicious ...
always moved to leave grandmother this morning at eleven o'clock we leave the village for a stopover on the long beach of Sète, on the Gulf of Lions. During the conversation, grandmother refers to her birth year, 1912. I seem to remember she was born in September: it will therefore address its 90 years next month. We should, children and grandchildren, to mark the event by sending gifts and flowers to the required date. I will try to mobilize the troops scattered
... This morning during the trip, I call I. my cousin (daughter of Paul) that I have not seen for over ten years ... A voice I did not recognize at the outset, but a familiar laugh. Neighbor, it lies in the Dombes, I offered him an interview with BB one day in September. It seems very positive, as is the idea of celebrating grandmother. Continued ... Sunday, August 25
Grisaille stormy on Arles. Relaxing and joyful reunion with embellished Violaine crossing with her twin sister (not monozygotic) Marion, a student in architecture. At a dinner Gigi no real transcendence relational myself inefficient for fuser by the mind. The guests very pleasant though. A bad night for BB, pained by distance from me this evening. I did not realize at the time and hindsight makes me explain this attitude unfeminine behavior by some of BB with respect to other young women (including a tendency to talk too loud, with an unpleasant tone). Thence a distance from me. I'm not tolerant enough for the person chosen? I do not want to hurt her, but I would like an evolution on some finer points to it ... Detail, no doubt, in view of his great human qualities ...
Tomorrow afternoon, soft resumption of interventions Forpro: from 1:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m., VSP for ten Bep. Transcendence not expected here either, but it frees me to at least the spirit friend Leautaud: 1953 began, the psychology of the end a deep slump, reached the same follow the JL.
A large difference in the family relationship between B and B-Decrauze. Parents, sisters and brother B are called almost daily, follow step by step in their lives. We, the total opposite, a monthly call to parents is a maximum, between brothers and this is even more scarce. Is there less affection for it? In any case, a lack of interest in surgical monitoring of our lives may be allied to a willingness to let people get ahead. And discussions during the interviews may be provided more ...
Monday, August 26
Voltage musical
The latest album from Coldplay: A WONDER! Such creators of musical intoxication reconcile the toughest misanthrope with humanity. This enchanting, student, inspires, transcends. A second album even more creative than the first: the assurance of exceptional work. Hats off to these English! This is a true happiness that lights me: the talent of artists. Friday, August 30
Tonight, dinner at home with BB, his sister Louise and her brother Francis. A very pleasant evening. Tomorrow evening, dipping into the family numerous kindergarten, children and grandchildren of maternal grandparents in Vilmoirieux. Another new
Heim message on my laptop, showing me their affection and affirming me immense pleasure that I had him by my stay. He expressed regret that the turn has been taken on the end of my growing discomfort, and hopes that I will not wait two years for another visit. Renewal of his proposal editing. This condition affects me mentally, but I do not feel so sensitive inclination towards it. My mail yesterday restored my consent to the publication of the first volume. I can not, however, increase to more than one per year, except in cases of force majeure, my visits to the castle. This must be the exception to that cathartic digressions are limited to a minimum.
for ears, eyes Dalí seeking inspiration, a table set up at Guy Degrenne for our guests sense of well-being, a good life at my own pace and time that loads into the lightness an existence in terms of self. This is probably which explains my posting without affect the world of Heim.
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