Hiv Test In 6month Is Accurate

January / February

Wednesday, January 2, 1h
at seven-thirty, BB should come snuggle against me, m to surround her long legs after his night's work for emergencies. Our love is growing very promising way and I feel in tune with his soul and body.
back since late yesterday afternoon, Chalon-sur-Saone after spending New Year's Eve with Karl, Estelle, Amelie (the two girls met at Royan) and some of their friends. The distance from my BB, custody, and some have caused dissatisfaction and maintained a passage grumpy during this vigil. Karl felt the same things and critics on late night came together. Still, very happy to find both foliettes ... each with a sentimental story in progress.
No sign on my behalf to northerners. Sunday, January 13


Life continues in good phase with BB, the pen by a depletion of scarce interest in leaving traces abortive. My adventure
manager brings a unique dimension to my arguments on free enterprise and the debate on globalization. Thursday, January 24


Wave sign a loyalty literary destruction. My weeks pass and share between my educational interventions via Acadomia, Forpro, Galen, and deepening the sweet relationship with BB.
A resolution for the 2002 school year: accentuate my interventions with bts finding other training organizations that Forpro Lyon, and especially finding a director Thesis Lyons to undertake and complete (this time) a thesis of letters of Paul and his Leautaud Literary Journal as a prism to determine. A constructive phase in perspective and not risk blurring with the author chose! Reviewed
Elo last Saturday which has some health problems. Followed by a friendly complicity. Saturday, February 16


more inclined to write ... some elusive passages will suffice to keep the link and the trail needed.
Thursday evening, a first for BB, and a delight for me: a Valentine shared among Fernand Duthion , restaurant Gourmet Crickets . It is really pleasant and our intimacy develops favorably. More
contact with the castle, and it suits me perfectly.
Project to find other training institutions for general education interventions with bts. I would leave when the tray and pro boe whose immaturity and sometimes illiteracy does not motivate me. I will do the same for the Galen Institute, which takes me too long. I may as well start this argument, if a manager accepts it. In
Sander today at tel. I am the first to know his marriage plans with his friend in June, and it abroad. Life flows
Stepless for me, a kind of existential rest after both the breach. The Waterman pen
sliding on this page was given to me by my sweet BB, and it replaces my Shaeffer ... sometimes feel like filling here ... maybe I should go back to the commentary on current events . To follow, perhaps ...

Sunday, February 17
Whatever the criticisms of our form of regime, it must still submit it in perspective. In Afghanistan the football stadium was a place of execution: bin Laden and Co., pushy and bloody, were the protagonists. At home, we used the Stade de France to discover the sliding games for children from poor families. A world of civilization between, right? While the defenders, as shown Dieudonne or hypocritical like many others, the criminal Laden go plunge into barbarism which it stands.

Slogan About Christmas

March / April

Saturday, March 16
pleasant evening with a couple friends of BB, parents of a tireless little girl, Jade. Evocation with Human the Israeli-Palestinian imbroglio, terror felt against the barbaric admitted in the documentary in three parts, Intimate Enemies, by former soldiers of the war Algeria. All these ordinary people who can indulge in the most abject bestiality, worse even for without vital goal, that amaze me. The long road to what is claimed humanity do that portends guts to air, butcher always repeated and unnecessary killings. Sunday, March 17


Very good anchorage of my relationship with BB. The serious constructive (with child (ren)) is in the crosshairs.
relations will perpetuate Lyon: friendship with Elo accomplice affirmed, with Bonny monitoring sparkling ... Out with Katya, who has not assumed the amicable relationship that I wanted. A weekend at Easter and John Shue with BB. Very busy and finally surrounded.
And writing? Some fragmentary scraps. I return to Bachelard decryption for my speech next Tuesday at Clermont Ferrand for students who prepare the PERC by Galen.


Wednesday, April 3 at the resort and John Shue, in a bright Lutry was very pleasant for BB and me. Still plagued by the perception of others about my sweetheart, I thought I detected in Shue, in his lack of enthusiasm in his unspoken (if it normally prolific in the analysis), a cooling against BB. Sending a mail yesterday to clarify the matter. His terse answer ("Why are you telling me?") Only makes me stronger in my first impressions. Whatever may confess Shue, I am proud that I have felt for BB, without outside influence. Whatever its flaws, I must weigh the positives it brings me immense, extreme kindness and gentleness of her everyday.
Lunch with Sally this afternoon, passing for day in Lyon. Some news of scattered northerners and members of his family. Note
drift violent Attorney Hubert, a small one, had "massacred" (as Sally) in the presence of his girlfriend's mother. The separation-reunion this sordid emotional yo-yo come to an end (or continue?) In abject marital violence . Its function as prosecutor, with the feeling of power it confers, has reinforced these trends well at home. I remember, rue Vercingetorix, the remnants of emotional release on his then-girlfriend : Hair by the handful. The complaint of assault had grazed. This time, the consequences seem more drastic: loss of custody over the child and risk of job transfer. Sally explains that this defect, in Hubert, stems directly from his mother.

Very nice relationship with Sally (I'm invited back, with BB, in Royan for a week in August), but whenever she tries to educate me with some news of the castle. His fears about the behavior of Hubert regarding taking possession of the castle, against Vanessa, after Heim's death, strike me as an indirect call.

The Government of Israel to endian engaged in a very disturbing war repressions. Anti-Semitic acts are increasing in the world. When will they understand that we must ignore the attacks of Palestinian suicide bombers and decide on a strong act immediately: the withdrawal from the occupied territories. This is the only way to create a favorable shock to the resumption of negotiations. It falls into that infernal law of retaliation that would come at the sacrifice of human beings in both belligerents before the inevitable agreement which shall, within one year, a century, ten centuries required. We have known this gear with Algeria.
With all that history has taught us, these processes continue to blinkers involutions is much more serious than those of our ancestors, because much more easily preventable. Buffoonery that universal consciousness: the particularities barbaric reign unchallenged. Thursday, April 4


Dull, dull presidential backyard. Before Chirac yesterday: half aggressive without plume, riveted on his general pontifications, annoyed by the slightest spiking journalism. Jospin yesterday: surly technician, unable to relieve a little humanity starched his joyous demonstrations, ignoring all the journalists nod in this direction (see the allusion to his new role subsidiary, grandfather, unless that exclusivity in Paris-Match not preclude it from meeting any reference to this topic Private). And behind the slew of minor candidates who are offended by this intellectual segregation. A first round in the middle school holidays, as another sign for the citizen avoid shifting electoral deal with holiday ideas. The only emotional moments of this campaign have been the two news items identified by their place of course, as the process of metonymy wine: Evreux (father beaten to death while he was defending his son racketeering) and Nanterre ( board a whack on the council).
I do not know what my future will consist professional year and if I'll actually get into a new thesis project, this time to keep me on pain of wallow in the ridiculous. Galen, where I am right now (for glue medicines Grange-Blanche), then stop after four years of loyal service. Too much time spent on the works program for next year. I will spend my summer Leautaud. My existence
marries with modest goals, but the serenity was rooted fundamental. Not a loss of lucidity, I think to see much clearer, however, not cramped approach to life.

Tuesday, April 16

The most endearing
gruff delivery last night by Louise, the sister BB, the Literary Journal of Leautaud in nineteen volumes, published in the decade of 50, for the most part, the Mercure de France. 1500 francs (220 euros) in a bookseller Nantes: a case of opening my juicy prospect of again plunged into the socio-fresco intimate volumes XIII to XIX. The major work Leautaud finally in my library. I'll be able to make the volume XIII, borrowed several years ago to Heim and whose reading is dominant between eclipses. Pleased to find these pages in thick paper, almost cloth, these white blankets, sobriety misleading who dares to open, the scent of well-preserved old book at the age serene to deliver the experience of a man's life. I have yet to find a supervisor to immerse myself in the world Leautaud: gallery of portraits of people who matter in the literature, those flogged, allusions to current events to redial. Thursday, April 18


Afflicting the absolute lack of intellectual curiosity of most students I am. Confined to their ready-to-live unsurprisingly, the brainless fun anime only their poor existence.
I still have not called Heim, and I have no desire.

Gay Cruising Areas In Kolkata

May / June

Saturday, May 4
The fifteen-day campaign against Le Pen was completed. Sunday, Chirac would be given a new mandate for the first five years of the Fifth. Curious atmosphere of consensus horrified by the challenger to win the second round. Certainly, a Le Pen in France's Elysee would ban of Europe and indeed the world, but its function as a spur to political life seems beneficial. Cohabitation has shown that in any case was viable at the institutional level, but politically dangerous: the extremes are so full legitimacy to contrast with the undifferentiated at the head of the executive and legisla-tive.

As for protests against Le Pen, it seems a virtual challenge to the democratic system does not respond as expected by some people. Hatred does not come from one side.
Not the same political views with my BB but no matter, our relationship is sustained. Yesterday, sparkling evening with the couple and Bonny Eddy: friendship is confirmed.

[Email to Laurence H.]
Wednesday, May 15, 10:24
Subject: Important
Dear Madam,
I called you this morning, but you were unavailable, and this afternoon I can not call you .
After some weeks of consideration, I regret to put an end to my interventions in general education with pharmacy and White Barn Galen. I want to raise my thesis and letters I have spent my summer reading the work of the author studied. I can combine this task with the study of the works to students.
I was very pleased with these few years of collaboration. Convey my best memory of Mr. G. (I remain however available for possible interventions in the section Comenius-PERC.)
With my attention. Tuesday, May 21


Seen a few passages of the show It disgusts me denouncing criminals the road. A disgust you definitely human nature ... brainless pigs and bacon impunity: that the mutation that occurs in lambdas who drive. For anyone who causes death or irreparable injury, it would take two simple steps: translation before an assize court, not the corrections (it is a crime and not a misdemeanor) and especially the final cancellation of the permit with the impossibility it again. We must put these criminals out of harm's way: and there are tens of thousands in France. Obviously, not a politician has the courage to make such arrangements. It makes safe to reassure the good people (and probably rightly), but the ten thousand deaths a year on the roads do not deserve a great shot latte in the car lobby. It makes me puke!
few days ago, a dream (nightmare?) That northerners resumed contact for a new recruitment professional with all the anguish adjacent.

Encouragement Elo by texting late afternoon. She spends her exams this week. His friend Jerome was assaulted in the subway, but I know no more.
I probably found (through a contact provided by Judith L. colleague Forpro of) my thesis for my research project on Leautaud. My dive later in the Literary Journal takes a stride: the fourteenth volume well under way. The period of the Second World War is far from monolithic Leautaud a collaborator or resistant. All of its analysis, its judgments to the punch and moods form a picture in chiaroscuro in which only counts his independence of mind.
Tonight, looking for a teaching book, I see large volumes of the Booker on Journal of Jules Renard, the three volumes of the Goncourt ... If I add those of Galtier Boissiere (I does not), Charles Juliet (loan - the flight. I - by Marie-Pierre C.) and Jacques d'Arribehaude ... I'm not ready to put me on reading novels! Soon
one in the morning and I must cause my sleep refractory
... If I could be more regular maintenance of these pages ...
Forgot to tell my decision not to renew my association with the Institute Galen. Spend my summer reading the works of medicines and pharmacies , instead of immersing myself in Leautaud does not seem wise. I offset the financial loss by a few lessons have me qu'Acadomia unearthed.
The U.S. Secret Service emphasized that a new wave of Islamist attacks threat. The U.S. operation to dismantle the networks involved no longer interested in our media as it is long term and not as spectacular ephemeral. A bomb would have been him, undoubtedly, more echoes.
Between my wandering mind and the sheet of paper, if irregularly blackened, a major loss. How many thoughts, feelings, impressions left to rot by literary laziness? Not that that will start the anonymity amplifies the years passed. Wednesday, May 23


Last night call Elo (full exam week for his first-year students). She says the proponents of the new embryo sentimental story. A friend of increasingly expensive as the Elo. Touching remember the first interview when the bus took us all to Saint-Cyr, but that we knew for the first course in French to give. This followed the enthusiasm human soul. Saturday, May 26


A Parmain for Mother's Day, after an afternoon of intense physical emotional release. Between tennis and ping-pong, the body has warmed up point.

Thursday, May 30, 1:50
Learned journalist's death not seeing Julien Prunet (?), At 29, who ran a daily column on France Info. Pinch in the heart of emotion and youthful enthusiasm for this ambitious cut short by the grim reaper ... fucking dead! What
pages blackened illusory contentment for what? Unnecessary literary babble remain anonymous. No chance that these kind of tiles, at least one hard posthumous me no more. I thought to career in writing, what windbag!

[Email to Claire D.]
Friday, May 31, 4:21 p.m.
Subject: Bravo!
A kind of slut you are! I am delighted with this outlook relaxation available to you ... after the hard work. And do you already know the countries that will have the pleasure to welcome you? And what kind of adventure you are planning?
For our interview, I hope that the week of June, you will still find my presence in Paris ...
And in Lyon, you are there these past months?
Curious, I am always curious ...
I sneak away. See you soon.

Monday, June 3
This weekend, my BB has performed with his choir and another came from Aix-en-Provence. Nice delivery. Our relationship continues in serenity.

Elo really becomes almost a brotherly friend. She says more to me and seems to attach much importance to my advice. Leaving her home, Sunday afternoon, she told me that he wanted to give me all this because I am his closest friend, just like his brother. Very touching that this relationship takes this round.
After a short telephone survey (very fast) I found Aline L., to Paris for two years after her separation from her husband settled in England. I have dinner with her during my week in Paris, June 19 Tuesday, June 4

The Conflict 100 years?
Tonight, a Thema on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and its two leading antagonists: Arafat and Sharon. The inextricable situation will one day lead to an agreement: still missing in humans, this ability to take distance from his own interests for a perspective of global interest.
The release, this morning, six auditors in BTS (the resource center to which I am Forpro) of Intimate Enemies builds on human nature and does not inspire faith in it. Escaping the collective excesses that make me sick, may explain my lack of commitment friendly to men, except when they become friendly companions prerequisites (if Eddy, love Bonny known single) . My tour
relational already raised more loads in an interview with Manon a drink this Thursday at 11:30 am at American Bar. She seems to have unearthed the great love, what delights me. More
contact northerners, and that relief.

Thursday, June 6
My literary landing in the countries of literary Leautaud Paul takes shape. Since yesterday, Mr Jean-Pierre (Henri Michaud specialist) is (not administratively) my supervisor. My goal
precise literary him on the pillow in the morning: to show and demonstrate how the Literary Journal is also the crucible for the elaboration, assertive and refined literary principles, moral , psychological and behavioral measures of a man of letters, and work literary life, whose consistency is not the result of an intellectual break, but the existential path of its author.

In the background, attempting to restore to the genre diarist throughout his literary value.
Project title The "Literary Journal" by Paul Leautaud: the melting pot at work .

Saturday, June 8, 2h ... checkmate. Seen
tonight Manon and her friend Samia, both adorable, first at the amphy, rue de Marseille, a bar where the son works for Ms. S., Pedagogical Director of Forpro and then into the apartment of an acquaintance celebrating his birthday. The gregarious nature of these environments still bothers me, torn between adaptation to the environment and the systematic. My programs
London and Paris are becoming clearer. In Paris, Monday through Friday noon, I will be delighted to find Dawn (four months pregnant), Elo F. (Who works with her sister throughout the month), Sabrina L. (Rambouillet), Aline L. and Vania C. (And the list is perhaps not close). Between these appointments friendly and / or emotional, I will concentrate on playing three theses devoted to one aspect of the work of Leautaud (his self-portraits, the question of style and a writer war, 39-45). Furthermore, I will test an initial contact with the library for access to the Doucet manuscript Literary Journal.
London in two days, I'll find Marianne D. B. (Not seen since at least three years), Manon again and J. Flo, the former Field's Tassin. Travel for less dense.

Haro on motorists!
The world of cars and motorists cretinization queen and potential criminals disgusts me more: the speeding in town, the lights grilled aggression unpunished, the inconsistencies may end up in human drama. All this reinforces my disgust nauseous. Sunday, June 9


Yesterday evening, still a very enjoyable night at Club 30 with Bonny and Eddy, while BB was performing his work bravely. Friendly and more emotional with this couple.
I did turn a damsel in morphopsychology very close to Elen, the face (including an impressive nose), chest puffed and a voice unsightly. Bonny has felt well and did not like this behavior gleaner of a sudden kidney.
latter two early afternoon, I climb two stories out tenderly and carnally BB sleep. Delicious. After
sense, the essence of literary Leautaud waiting. Legislative
first round today. Still not my voter registration card: no desire to join this very dull Mass. Republican.

Monday June 10, 11:50 p.m.
By early evening, call Sally to make some news, and above all be over expectations northerners. This time, demand for Heim's wife that I am present for Father's Day. She tells me after the abuses of Hubert son with respect to Heim, it does not want to leave her child at the castle, as his father "would violate" every little ones pass. Also learned that the magistrate would have crazy back in touch with Alice in an attempt to neutralize the risk facing his own attempt of sexual violence on her sister. Certainly, the sordid reign in these regions.

I obviously declined.

I wish them no harm, I will be present for exceptional situations (such as the funeral of one of them), but our paths have separated and the filial relationship is over.
Tonight, a television debate against Fabius Douste-Blazy. Towards the end, powerful intervention of Nicolas Hulot, who highlights the real priority issues for the survival of humanity. Suddenly, the two trade policies on national issues seem much rhetorical balloons. Just after the answers or thoughts on About Hulot, the journalist, according to a pre-programmed course, addresses the subject of football match France-Denmark the next morning. The short film about the victory of 98 and the current situation seems ridiculous and moved According to the fearmongering, but fair, N. Hulot. Go in the direction of good Pople : that the plague of political system where (as recognized by one of two elected officials present) elections on the horizon may correspond to the horizon environment, and yet it ' is that it depends on everything else.


Tuesday, June 11 The People's bullshit in all its depth with reversals of sentiment when the tide is turning.


Monday, June 24 A week in Paris followed by a weekend in London would not let me take care of the strong impressions, interviews and travels.

Side studious reading, more or less rapid, two theses spent Leautaud (Paris IV and VII): one on the style of the writer, the other on a slice of JL through its theme. I started this investigation at Paris III University by the discovery of a thesis entitled The writing days gender diarist through some special cases (curiously, Leautaud is not mentioned). With the laptop offered by Shue, I could apply directly to the passages and references selected. Through the Interuniversity ready, I will read four or five others on Leautaud able to better define the angle of my approach.
relational side, multiplication of friendly interviews. Dawn on Monday afternoon: four months pregnant, she has, during a luncheon Express (after a long walk to reach the Asian caterer), his companion of Greek origin who seemed half pleased to meet me. It seems to bloom, but this triangular framework has not allowed its usual effusion. Strange feeling to know that the speaker was my first love (Platonic-emotional nature), but not an ounce of jealousy. Rather an emotion due to the time spent.
the evening of Monday, dinner on the terrace height of Le Totem (discovered by Shue, at our first dinner in 1996, followed by a walk in intense mutual attraction) with ever more complicit Elo. Our friendship is very deep and very bubbly. A delight for me that this head-to-face inflamed, our rhymes and it gives me that confidence. I feel like a big brother emotionally.
The next afternoon I found the sandwich for a party with three young women working with her on the lawn facing the building that houses the Ecole d'Assas, collateral held by Elo.
Tuesday night I joined the Place de la Contrescarpe Vania C. TD girlfriend right in international relations and friends followed from the development of its various concerns (family, emotional and professional), I had somewhat neglected in recent months (even years). She reveals not otherwise have enjoyed at all levels of our last and very brief telephone interview: I laughed sarcastically after I confirm it is still accumulated evil of curves and assumed that the desert Sentimental lasted. Without doubt a large gourd psychological on my part. A very pleasant evening where I could pick up the thread of his troubles that persist in the above areas. Even this should make a positive note turns into nightmare as his purchase of 70m2 near the Rue Mouffetard, work that did not end last year and a half and neighbors who do not like the side effects of these interventions on the building. Her mother very serious phase of alcoholism, who bore him his pounds forever (although it has lost since our last interview) and a law firm that wants to escape (run by the media, but berserk, A. Benssoussan).
(To be continued) Tuesday, June 25


Wednesday evening, I found Aline L. overlooked since his marriage in 1997 or 1998, which lasted only six months. Lawyer in uptown Paris Avenue Hoche, she lives with a Quebecer. Great pleasure to see her try to get to know and establish a real bond friendly. We talk all the time high school and my haughty reserve in my other.
In London reunion with Marianne not seen for six years. She lives in concubinage Matt, burly English, and does not seem very optimistic about his relationship. Despite this, she went with him in September for a world tour over a year and a half. Visit the heart of the city and pleasant moments with them. Seen
Florence J. quickly Sunday psychological state very low after her recent break sentimental. She does not think her prolong facility after December. Wednesday, June 26


First weekend in Paris with my BB presented to mom, and my brothers John (Papa, Anna and the two little ones already know). Very good contact, it is appreciated by the whole family. I want it deeply.

Received a letter from Mary C., the young author of 19 or 20 years, a friend of BB's sister, who wanted to have an opinion on some literary news from a person knowledgeable in the field and do not know. She thanks me for having spent time on his writings and testimony, with a very fine intellect and maturity uncommon difficulties and disabilities caused. I feel a real bond could be born with it. I
revives the afternoon at Parc de la Tete d'Or. Lazing on the lookout for glances, volume XVI of PL traveled JL, and this notebook (laptop extra large) filled episodically. In front, two young mothers fumaillent with accents of not very feminine voice. This does not deter me for a furtive sexual smashes. One thin, brown, slightly exceeding the string at the back of his jeans (fashion coming from London) and the other blonde sensual, a little chubby, lets see a little white panties much simpler, but no less exciting to be removed. The thin, passing close to me to go say something to his son, has a piercing to his navel, belly flat. Objects of desire sex, I would bring them together well for a true all-out stoned. Although classic fantasy (sated timidly in 96 or 97 with Sander and Marilyn) who is still alive. Listening, I learn that the fine (much more feminine in her voice) is single, her eyes and her smile backed accomplice leave no doubt about his desire that I approach. I do not give up.


Tomorrow Thursday, June 27, starting with BB Arles, a romantic weekend with her sister. First swim in the summer horizon.
Go to the castle, the first weekend of August, I share: emotional attraction, but apprehension.

Best Resort In Hawaii

Wednesday, July 3
Stay in ancient Arles with BB, his sister Louise, was modeled from the most unexpected fun. A friend of A. .- C., encountered at random streets (Viola) and its companion themselves receiving another couple (Aurelie and Amoeba) and here is a joyous troop made to achieve the dream beach in the depths of the Camargue, to the lighthouse Gachole. The opportunity to discover the pleasant feel of these young people during a march accomplice (my mind was in one of his good days where distributed burst out and meet a public receptive), then a improvised fishing for clams.
The Sunday meal at the outlet (about three kilograms of these very tasty small shells) with the duo lil Marie (the young woman discovered by her writing) and Fabrizio more. At nine in the small apartment of Louise pleasant accents are confirmed. Elo
failed his first year of GEA. Headache and repeated hospitalization have mortgaged his chances. With an average of 9.77 it is not yet passed away from a feat, especially since a record has gone to 9.83. I'm off this morning at Saint-Cyr to finalize a letter to the Director of the IUT in the hope of revising the decision.
Lunch at home with BB and Elo. Friday, July 5


Waiting for my match in Lausanne. Fifty minutes to beat four minutes of travel to Lutry if I did not have my big suitcase with wheels, I chose to walk there.

The most endearing gruff
Playing a few weeks of the year 44 in Volume XVI of Leautaud JL: horror felt and registered address systematic massacres (like the one held in Poland at the beginning of the war and reported in Combat ) confirmed the total absence of ideology in his deadly or indulgence which would advocate to pass through the blood to the fulfillment of the doctrine defended.
Perhaps the best way to study for my thesis, would be to show how the Journal captures in all its complexity (and its contradictions if any) the philosophy of a man over a lifetime. Without putting distance calculator, without staging post, the JL trace on the bright feelings, the feelings, moods its author. Writing a genuine diarist was probably more difficult to be attractive to the reader, because it is adorned with no construction premeditated and its aesthetics to limit spontaneity more or less talented of the first jet. The transcript linear, fragmented and subjective account of what at the time T of the act of writing has coherence only for the fresco existential being built and the completion of which required the diarist.

Saturday, July 6, 18h
fleet for the second day Lutry after a Friday radiant. Yesterday afternoon
Shue spent with John was a business trip, and Mary, who has recovered well from his tuberculosis (but treatment continued over several months).
immense pleasure to meet for a few hours a duality friendly with Shue. The fineness of his psychological analysis of my relationship with my BB confirmed its high intellectual quality and sense of others. If our relationship is perpetuated (what she believes and wishes) BB will give implicit tolerance exist to seduce my needs.
Meals and evening shared with Mary, always fascinating in its mysticism, but that has opened up to other more prosaic. Passage home after a walk in Lutry: it lets me see his book of photos of his New York period where she tried modeling career (amazing ability to multiply their faces, and a beautifully crafted aesthetic) and his last work in progress on the key stages of its existence. Memories metaphorized , spiritual accents, cut into short stories that portray slices of life. She also shows the correspondence received from the literary director of Grasset, before and after an interview in Paris on his story inspired . Side faith she realized she was not made for life in religious community and is in monthly contact with spiritual director who is inclined to renunciation provisional creation (writing, painting) and tests in her ability to obey. Still single, she expects her thirty years (December 18 this year) to consider a new meeting sentimental.
Note: Alise, counsel for New York I have to see next July 15 in Paris, is the granddaughter of the former High King of Ethiopia, Haile Selassie. This explains the aristocrat who comes to her with his nobility port.

Monday, July 8, 0:30
Lutry Last night, as always welcomed like a prince by Shue. Moments of pure pleasure: the end of lunch on a deck, Lake Geneva against a backdrop of the Alps facing you, a glass of brandy in one hand, a Davidoff prepared by John in the other and the Literary Journal of Leautaud like universe matters; these few laps to swim in the pool at the Lausanne Palace , followed by a relaxation in the Jacuzzi adjacent. Festive moments: at the Festival of Montreux. Moments of calm and curiosity: support Marie and a friend, Servane in a religious community for a musical, the musical setting of poems by St. Therese of Lisieux, among other things.

Back to Lyon for a night at the Vienna Jazz Festival with BB.
Note that this immersion in the ephemeral atmosphere of a religious community has confirmed my feeling contradictory messages constructive and adherence to a certain moral rejection of the underlying conditioning and anthropocentrism that underlies the religious dogmas .

Sunday, July 14, 11:30
This third day in the cellar offers a Mediterranean blue. Parents, brother and sister of BB always so hospitable. The good spirit prevailing in this emotional family is the soul. It feels real affection on both sides, being the most demonstrative Louise. The boils and nice look of the father immediately won me: cream man actually. no-brainer for me in this world where I feel very appreciated, this does not prevent passionate debate as the classic Israeli-Palestinian conflict last night.
I forsake these pages to better immerse myself in the JL of PL, Volume XVII begins. Monday, July 15


family resort with Day B ... Pornic holiday resort Leautaud in the Scourge. On September 5, 1946, when he goes there for years, he says it to be bothered most of the time. No feeling of this sort for me. After a late lunch at Gourmandine, pancakes and tasty cakes, passing through a small crypts rocky beaches that offer small, round sand flush. Despite the low tide and rocks protruding invigorating immersion in water in the footsteps of Francis (the BB's brother) more motivated. Evening with BB in his oldest and dearest friend, Marie-Laure. The little boy of five, who believed in close ties with the BB, sulking my presence. Their conversation about children in a couple, the importance of having (our guests have had great difficulty in conceiving one) put me a little uncomfortable.

19:05. The changeover to express Big Lutece. Alise always radiant enthusiasm without pause, we improvised a pilgrimage Paris after the meal shared with his girlfriend Manal. Trip to the museum Dalí Montmartre where I could not resist buying a few reproductions of large and small sizes. Rapid approach of the triumphal arch before joining Adelaide and Nidia near the Louvre Museum. Another day as a blink, with the feeling of not having enough densified the too brief time allotted.
With Nidia, rapid evocation of my Journal : she asks where is his publication (the "family saga" has it named). I tell him (or her confirmation that Sally had already informed) that this editorial project is aborted, but does not prevent any proceeding. I would add, for these pages, he takes his size and independent voice, anonymous and without illusion. More prospect of glory and a poor official existence of this fresco subjective. Remains the accumulation of unvarnished feelings. The only way to balance and psychic link with writing these spontaneous outbursts remains insubstantial. In the TGV
half empty under the gray autumnal beauty accompanies this remote crossing ultrafast scar of steel, without glaring at me. A powerful loyalty to its existential objectives, perhaps his love. I should do mine this impermeability the surroundings and concentrate on what I already offered: love my BB, my thesis started, my dear friends. Relational end brings the multitude that fills in sham and liquefies the path we are trying to follow.

[email to Martin S.]
Tuesday, July 16, 24:39
Subject: Re Beausoir
Always your tone so lyrical ... I wish you the best travel ...
For me life unfolds nicely: my story continues with BB, I raised a thesis project of letters on Literary Journal Leautaud Paul, I take many long weekends among friends, I continue writing my Journal . That
synthetically ... I hope we meet someday.
With all my affection. Loïc


Saturday, July 27, 1:30 am
Seen Thursday night on Canal +, the barbaric spectacle of bullfighting. Prejudices very hostile to this playful cruelty, I take this chance of zapping late night to make me a better idea of the circus bloody flake. Conclusion: I better understand the fascination, or even spell, produced by these exhibitions. Bullfighters show themselves drug determination in the arena are being brushed by the enraged animal butchered for having made . Contrast perception that should not overshadow that playing with the life of an animal for his own pleasure is first and foremost inexcusable.

In a completely different note, saw tonight, to Nights Fourvière with my BB, the Barefoot Contessa Cape Verde, Cesaria Evora. Beautiful voice, but shy presence on stage.
19:40. The summer and uncompromising. A ballad with BB near ponds of Saint-Julien, near Grenoble. Tonight, we dine with the family F. and Sunday at the C., in their heavenly home in Charly, Relaxing with a pool ...

Voltage musical
The last song of Coldplay confirms my apt for their musical tone, a kind of semi dramatic tension state that slides into the break with restraint. A lyrical melody that enchants me. Back
few moments to Volume XVII Leautaud, year 48 ...

Lost Us Visa Interview Appointment Confirmation

July August September

Friday, August 2 July
me a little more rooted in Lyon. The reading of JL PL Park has not stifled the relationship. The park girlfriends are expanding charming young women (Annie, Marjorie, Muriel, Elise) with whom cordial, even friendly complicity can be established. Elise and Muriel have children: it does Aviva late for my procreative impulse. I who, after breaking up with Sandra, I resolved to a secluded existence, replete with lovers from time to time, I joined today the setting of a child with BB as a new stage of life. After my
wave of mailings, earlier this week, unsolicited applications from training institutions, already two events (making appointments, and refer to a document type). Maybe new collaborations that will offset my perspective off the Galen Institute.
A very pleasant evening at Bonny and Eddy Wednesday night with other friends, confirms the friendship is woven joyous encounters passersby.
Road to the Aisne, after two years of absence: I hope the stay focus on that without the contribution shared emotional resurgence of old tunes, or test to know my opinion on a particular slice of life.
I leave with this in mind, although I doubt that some existential themes will be discussed by Heim. For his birthday, celebrated ahead Sunday, I bring him a drink of the Vendée (specialty purchased at the Cellar holiday) to the palace, and history of humor in the history of France Guy Breton to mind. Among the parliamentarians
adoptions this summer, an increase of 60% of ministers' salaries to compensate for the suppression by the government of Jospin envelopes, secular practice for additional compensation therefore. The media are obviously eager to put this information in parallel with a very low increase SMIC. A report quite artificial, but excellent for soliciting and social discontent in the cottages of the "France from below" in the words raffarinée . The convict
Bove offered a walkabout in the spotlight before resuming his favorite anthem and stigmatize blows to the "France in the basement." In form, Bove, despite the treatment cell.
the train Paris-Laon, three-quarters empty, so often taken in the second half of the 90s, I still think to this passage in the castle, with many improvements that I will discover the atmosphere that I going to. I'll have to juggle the level I want to let my new life emerge. Affection, but from any kind of drift that would promote the effusion to backfire. Saturday, August 3


first part of the stay while watered condition. Controversy and will not surprise: new proposal for Heim edit my Journal ! He alluded to the promise made to my father never edit it to better evacuate.

Very warm to him again, but he felt unwell at home since this morning, and the fact is: I do not really feel in my element, even if all the emotional apparatus is deployed.

A very pleasant the progress of work in the castle, including rehabilitation (ongoing or completed) of the two main parts down. Very welcoming spaces for furniture and many decorative elements. In trade with
Heim, evocation of the news people more or less familiar: the folly of the magistrate Hubert success magnificent nephew Thierry (the head of one of the largest firms of bailiffs of Normandy) the lives of successive declines of Florence R. aka Kiki, the two children (seen in photo) Alice, etc..
From my side, some revelations: carnal including my very brief history with S and the project of a child with BB in the medium term. On this last point, I might have done better to abstain. I feel the pressure break (kindly addressed) to visit with this future offspring.

In short, a visit to a reconciliation, but that does not bow to increase monitoring. As for
Journal , and volume I (91-99) A copy mess, I take this new proposal with caution. No runaway premature, but if the book can actually exist, I will not deny myself this pleasure.
Tomorrow looks pseudo family pronounced with the arrival of Sally, Hermione and Angel.
This afternoon, a few laps in the pool Max rolls located at the bottom of the garden with a concrete structure around it and a shed to house the technical components, clothing and comfort.
Tonight output restaurant and, without doubt, nightclub with Karl.
Yesterday evening, a text from my BB gives me a kiss and I reassured the content of my stay by writing back. Sunday, August 4


20h. As expected, the end of the second part of stay has drifted to the pseudo-catharsis. A meal while affection, kind words, in warm and then, gradually, some elements of conflict emerged: my new concept of existence, my unease in this context, the linking of my girlfriend (and a any child) with the castle ... All of these sticking points that concern me more. I stay in bonding, but I feel more and more foreign to those wishes to raise the irreconcilable.

According Hermione I would hate the thought of existence in its constructive approach ... Well too bad! That leaves me in terms of what concerns me. This adherence to systematic patterns of thought in which I no longer recognize myself remain a source of repeated failures. They take me as I am, an essential condition for the continuation of a report.
True that my conception of existence can not be approved by the couple -Hermione Angel. Does this mean that we deprive ourselves of being? Maybe it did nothing more important to share. I felt in the voice of Hermione, saying much love me nothing in common that remains to initiate encounters. Change is good, home, hopeless, and without an ounce of despair. My fulfillment lies in my life in Lyon. And my BB I miss his love, his kisses, his warm body, his constant attention. The presentation I ever? No desire to mingle with this existential theatrology finally, even if intelligence is extreme, always comes to intellectual monomania.

Monday, August 5
Back appreciated in Lyon and delighted to find my BB and his greedy mouth. The gravity of this stay in northerners not yet evacuated. Divergence and existential malaise in contact with the resurgence of life tasteless for me now. Even want to unbosom myself on the subject. Resume Lyon
my rhythm, my dear, my friends and acquaintances, and his latest volume Leautaud before a real holiday week in Royan ... Tuesday, August 6


A time reduced this gray day on a sentimental duality: BB in a relaxing and invigorating me. The Estelle, Muriel and Co. declined the invitation.

Hail Muhammad!
Seen this morning at the late breakfast, the last part of Thema recorded on Arte and dedicated to the amazing phenomenon of the suicide bomber. The profile of the three "pilot death" of September 11 revealed the intellectualized phase of this process: young people adored by those around them, their acquaintances, brilliant in their studies, with a bright future, adhere to Islamic fundamentalism and are determined to self annihilation the deadliest possible. Nothing's portrait of those who are indoctrinated (by fair means or foul) since childhood. The hatred of the U.S. model they abused to better exploit its weaknesses, and the desire to win another road takes the place of ideological anchor. Added to this is the firm belief of a paradise for martyrs who makes life on earth totally ridiculous. What ambivalence in these monotheistic religions: some sources of morality, a more humane approach to the relationship to another, they might as well, with ill-intentioned scholars, legitimize the worst atrocities. This is enough to prove their character fundamentally human, not divine.

Friday, August 9, 23h
Tomorrow, at dawn, the great journey east-west to join Royan. A website provides the best route free of those six hundred and twenty kilometers to perform eight hours seventy-seven km / h average. No high speed into perspective. The real road to vacation time as thriving (but deadly) 7 as the national major axis.
Heim left a message Thursday on my laptop: said sorry about the turn taken by the end of the stay, my affection and renews hope that I do not be returned too bitter. I sent him an email today with the reproduction of some photographs taken of the castle. I may recall at the resort royannaise. I feel no bitter return to Lyon, where it started, was actually a relief. I have neither hatred nor resentment, nor especially nostalgia: a detachment for a life form that has more appeal for me, that rings hollow. My disengagement seems as deep as was my involvement in the early ninety. In my yard ... is the principle teacher for the new decade.
already fifty-five pages, typing tight, quotes selected for the JL until year 32 (in progress). I will then juggle all this literary material for the details prism collision ... A nice dive in this digest of the best moments of jl operated between 87 and 88. My conservatism was not in vain: fourteen years after I use it for my thesis!
rotten summer (albeit at Lyon I could enjoy the sun burning) will, hopefully, see a truce next week. Sunday, August 11


start low and stay under heaven windy drizzle. Mini-game Monopoly and Adele Elisa euros (ten every two years) and then passing on a nearby beach in late afternoon. Improvement tomorrow ... the English point should then emerge as the first real vacation day for BB. Early this morning unexplained sadness on his part. It seems to accumulate negative feelings and crack somewhat without taking further the dialogue.

Wednesday, August 14, 0:30
A bright Tuesday: beginning to advanced English to let off steam in the troubled waters of the Atlantic following the shadow of the house of Robert (father of Sally) to wander in International Mail ; end with my BB in the bustling streets of Royan. Karl expected tonight will bring his vitality under a sky that is blue hope. Good
Small night ... Sunday, August 18


At Cellar since yesterday noon, mixed picture of the stay in Royan: pleasant for me, a source of discomfort and grief for my BB. As I apprehended, the current is not passed between her and Sally. With great subtlety, the mother of Karl has demonstrated a certain indifference to BB, restricted to the basic conveniences of a host. This unspoken weighing, where his perfidious hints slightly wounded one I love. Sally certainly has not done this in mind, but the irresistible tendency to impose its schemes for the benefit claimed of loved ones (emotional deviance characteristic of castle ) ignored the people you chose. This reinforces my not meeting my emotional universe (and perhaps family, if a child is born of our marriage) and northerners. The presentation of BB to my parents and my brothers has not been missed quite the contrary.

Only results matter, I am feeling much better today in Lyon with my BB than I have been since 1990 when I decided to give weight to the views of northerners for my life emerging sentimental. With Sally and her stay in Royan, I got the last scraps.

In Heim quickly over the phone and he confirmed to me that he was pleased to see me despite the unfortunate excesses of the late and wants to email me rather than bored by telephone. We'll see the content of this writing, if it happens ...

With Karl, always the same chemistry, a being that I like very much because it seems to follow the path I have chosen and my sentimental choice, even if the ideological pressure of northerners is powerful de facto.
Fun meets at Tapas Bar Royan (open for just over a month) on Friday night to Saturday. Karl was again in charge of the effort of collision. After Estelle and Amelie, now Chris and Emily, two young girls (25 and 22 years) whose conversation and sensitivity accompanied us till five o'clock in the morning. For Karl, a nice way to end his very short vacation. A friendly relationship could arise again.
Yesterday, a late afternoon on a beach near Saint Michel Chef Chef, then a restaurant on Atlantic's with BB and his brother, despite our very pleasant hours of sleep to catch up.
The unsettled weather that morning was ultimately beneficial for writing.
20h. Informative visit to the tower Oudon. The horrors of the Terror crystallize on Galerne spree and mass drownings: Carrier, the little Hitler Auvergne parachuted governor of Nantes, embodies all that is worst in an ideology which wants to establish itself as the only way. Monday, August 19


Glass made in Nantes with BB and his brother in a bar-pub singular. Run by former prostitutes who were officer the golden age of Gabin, led by their mac of old, wooden feet and open shirt on a round belly and dull, this place has its atmosphere of an arrangement unusual and eclectic decor. Niches, nooks and crannies of dress materials for lenses and visitors to multiple sources: a Maousse bellows, sewing machine, the edges of a fireplace ...
Lunch at noon in the restaurant and Marie-Laure her husband (BB Friends) in Nantes again.
No return after texting my sent to Emily and Chris.
The summer break draws to a close gently. In one week, soft resumption of my interventions Forpro unless other collaborations and lessons not in addition, which would do the most good for my boxes and save me from snacking too my very modest background reserve. In addition, if a replacement income (ie the Assédics) allotted for July and August, my finances will return to a proper balance. I work since 1987 with salaries in copyright, then pay for all or part from 1991) and the unemployment benefits for two months, a first in my career I have not claimed too expensive for joint bodies!

The most endearing gruff
Volume XVIII of PL JL acknowledges the important impact of Interviews with Robert Mallet . Leautaud seems to oscillate between meeting a reputation amplified to 80 years and the annoyance of this accumulation of stresses that disturb the wild in cities.
By September, I'll subscribe to Cahiers Leautaud , led by Edith Silva, and try to acquire (or request) back issues. This offers me a basic confrontation between my thoughts on the bugger Fontenay and those of other supporters or detractors (though I doubt that they can express their criticism in these pages).
At the funeral of Gide, and especially at the sight of the body, when the popular writer, Leautaud can not hold back his tears sincere sorrow for the death of his colleague in writing or heightened awareness of time passing and of his impending doom? Harvest time for the grim reaper in our emotional or friendly countries should be particularly painful and distressing when we know that our moment to be harvested is naturally (and so quickly!) Arrived. I suspect what these canonical decades, if I succeed. The ski nostalgic regret of unfulfilled, the sense of not having embraced full every second and, perhaps, serenity of one who is part of a collective history, beyond self.


Day Tuesday, August 20 on the road from Nantes to Lyon, with a lunch break at P. Corey at (mayor of the town), his wife Lydia and daughter Adele. Remains in a half farmhouse, tastefully renovated, a cozy interior and a lovely couple. Adele always lovely to me, and a little less temperamental Royan only with his parents. Chitterlings famous as an appetizer for our return to Lyon.

Haro on motorists!
Big black point of the day, in the form of human pus: the average motorist on the roads. The edges of some routes are now littered with dark silhouettes representing victims of fatal accidents, this does not limit criminal idiocy of some people, these same places, take risks unheard of to win a ridiculous time. If it passes this time, the danger they pose to the surrounding (motorized or not) is not acceptable.
When will the government take appropriate measures to eliminate from the universe unconsciousness these potentially dangerous road, these little terrors of driving he must crush in the bud. Tired of this tolerance that kills ... the complicity of the current system, which tolerates or forgive the worst behaviors, makes questionable commitment to eradicate crime road. An open letter to potential criminals from the road can only vent his author: he must crack down ruthlessly. For example: the cancellation of the permit and the inability of the LIFE board in case of a fatal accident caused by a road behavior dangerous. It should even extend to the type of drift even if this meant that the wounded or offended jail, so do not wait until he kills to banish him from driving. What must be retained is the intention of having an attitude criminogenic ... the rest is only a matter of chance many factors and should certainly not be used as mitigating circumstances.
I hate those drivers who consider themselves powerful in a repugnant impunity simply because they are driving, exceed, surpass! Clowns dangerous to evacuate as quickly as possible to avoid the death of innocents.
Yesterday in my mailbox, among the bills and the acceptance of my compensation from the Assédics, just an envelope with Loïc registered on: to my surprise a word of Elen (I'd cross the street Tete d'Or just before departure for Royan ) wishing a nice day, see me at the park ... and she leaves her phone (mine was thrown). I informed BB. Is this a resurgence of feelings (she had said, during this brief interview, having well digested our separation and does not want friendly ties) with a hope to reconnect as I did not have the informed heart taken ? Fun event anyway. Friday, August 23


Passage flash fonts with my BB, just enough time to make a few kisses to grandmother, to present my sweetheart, lunch all three at Gentillet restaurant The Boar Cabrières of spend a few moments in the garden, dinner with my beautiful at the brewery Pézenas Molière, walk to night in some streets and alleys of the town, then go back to sleep Fontès make a big hug after a delicious ...
always moved to leave grandmother this morning at eleven o'clock we leave the village for a stopover on the long beach of Sète, on the Gulf of Lions. During the conversation, grandmother refers to her birth year, 1912. I seem to remember she was born in September: it will therefore address its 90 years next month. We should, children and grandchildren, to mark the event by sending gifts and flowers to the required date. I will try to mobilize the troops scattered
... This morning during the trip, I call I. my cousin (daughter of Paul) that I have not seen for over ten years ... A voice I did not recognize at the outset, but a familiar laugh. Neighbor, it lies in the Dombes, I offered him an interview with BB one day in September. It seems very positive, as is the idea of celebrating grandmother. Continued ... Sunday, August 25


Grisaille stormy on Arles. Relaxing and joyful reunion with embellished Violaine crossing with her twin sister (not monozygotic) Marion, a student in architecture. At a dinner Gigi no real transcendence relational myself inefficient for fuser by the mind. The guests very pleasant though. A bad night for BB, pained by distance from me this evening. I did not realize at the time and hindsight makes me explain this attitude unfeminine behavior by some of BB with respect to other young women (including a tendency to talk too loud, with an unpleasant tone). Thence a distance from me. I'm not tolerant enough for the person chosen? I do not want to hurt her, but I would like an evolution on some finer points to it ... Detail, no doubt, in view of his great human qualities ...
Tomorrow afternoon, soft resumption of interventions Forpro: from 1:00 p.m. to 5:00 p.m., VSP for ten Bep. Transcendence not expected here either, but it frees me to at least the spirit friend Leautaud: 1953 began, the psychology of the end a deep slump, reached the same follow the JL.
A large difference in the family relationship between B and B-Decrauze. Parents, sisters and brother B are called almost daily, follow step by step in their lives. We, the total opposite, a monthly call to parents is a maximum, between brothers and this is even more scarce. Is there less affection for it? In any case, a lack of interest in surgical monitoring of our lives may be allied to a willingness to let people get ahead. And discussions during the interviews may be provided more ...
Monday, August 26

Voltage musical
The latest album from Coldplay: A WONDER! Such creators of musical intoxication reconcile the toughest misanthrope with humanity. This enchanting, student, inspires, transcends. A second album even more creative than the first: the assurance of exceptional work. Hats off to these English! This is a true happiness that lights me: the talent of artists. Friday, August 30


Tonight, dinner at home with BB, his sister Louise and her brother Francis. A very pleasant evening. Tomorrow evening, dipping into the family numerous kindergarten, children and grandchildren of maternal grandparents in Vilmoirieux. Another new
Heim message on my laptop, showing me their affection and affirming me immense pleasure that I had him by my stay. He expressed regret that the turn has been taken on the end of my growing discomfort, and hopes that I will not wait two years for another visit. Renewal of his proposal editing. This condition affects me mentally, but I do not feel so sensitive inclination towards it. My mail yesterday restored my consent to the publication of the first volume. I can not, however, increase to more than one per year, except in cases of force majeure, my visits to the castle. This must be the exception to that cathartic digressions are limited to a minimum.

In my den Lyon, wall decoration by three frames wide-format (60x80) and five small sizes with Dalí. Delirium in the precision dresses places invigorating way. Coldplay
for ears, eyes Dalí seeking inspiration, a table set up at Guy Degrenne for our guests sense of well-being, a good life at my own pace and time that loads into the lightness an existence in terms of self. This is probably which explains my posting without affect the world of Heim.

Rangefinder In Metric

Thursday, September 6
Developer's soft on crime road: the author of a fatal rollover of an elderly woman crossing a pedestrian received a sentence of suspended imprisonment and license suspension for one year. Astounding: not even cancellation! He was suspended for one year after he lead worse. Social aberration.
That day, the busiest of the week with a noisy group of vocational baccalaureate. Tomorrow, detente with the interview Elo who opted for entry into second year of IUT.

Sunday, September 8, 1:30
Beau spectacle of troops The Best that Bonny was built recently. The depth and modulated her voice take on a more magisterial quality at Club 30. Always as an accomplice, she called Eddy at intermission to make sure we like it. Among the crowd of friends attending a family plot: his daughter (adorable child of ten years, looks very bright), his brother and one of his seven sisters.
That day, at 15h40, we welcome the beautiful Viola who maintains its memory in Lyon on Monday. Opportunity to find this accomplice of Arles. The relational network is fine.
Forgot to note our meeting boyfriend Elo Friday. Nice young man.

Wednesday, September 11, 0:05

Hail Muhammad! Memorial Day
terrorist chaos on New York and Wash-Hington, a year later. For me, completing the volume XVIII Journal of Literary Leautaud, stopping five days before his death. Volume XIX gathers pages found, and will read much faster. The final pages all carry the scars a near end: depression, disinterest in everything, instead of increasing physical dysfunction, suicide is even mentioned.

I'm the various documentary films related to the terrorist attack on the WTC. The renewed horror, transmitted by the images, can not and inclined to respect the victims of rabid Islamists. Certainly not the dead of innocent people have been so blessed by the media: the Rwandan massacre, for example, have not benefited, the duration and intensity of that focus. Identification and cultural status of first power could explain the unequal treatment. The choice of terrorism inexcusable wild, targeting civilians of many nationalities and religions (including Muslims) is worth a week of media obsession.
Violaine is gone last night. We do not have finally seen much, but shared little was charming.

Friday, September 13, Geneva-Lyon train, 11h

Yesterday discovery BB with a fascinating documentary on the fate of Jean-Claude Roman, illusionist fifteen years of his life finally forced into revelation, by killing his relatives. We're all a little director of our lives (me included with this Journal ) against the other, but the trompe l'oeil reached in this case a great complexity and twice repeated diversions of money from more emotionally connected. He could carry this diabolical farce with permanent tension implies an anticipation of every moment. The current professional
pace suits me (14 hours per week to Forpro) and allows large blocks of time for Leautaud. I have to complete the selection of quotes by the end of December (already sixty-page layout in Word and maximum small sizes, Times New Roman 10). From January 2003 my cdi starts and the number of hours increases. Administrative delays: Still no response to my request for a loan Interuniversity thesis on Leautaud and sustained at Paris IV. Apart
emotional messages, Heim has not revived its practice of publishing the new proposal Hash .

Saturday, September 14, 1am.
A very pleasant evening with Shue and John. Sunday, September 15


Sprawled across the lake Geneva, on the heights of Lutry, I take advantage of radiant rays to reinvigorate my summer tan. Beyond relaxation, intensive assistance for the correction of the fifth chapter of the second part of the thesis Shue ... phew! phew! The couple
Shue John is okay, but not their finances, so that the five thousand francs of the monthly rent prégnant become a concern. Contracts are not lining up, and when they arise, we must fight to retrieve slices regulations. Shue is my friendship to give me some very personal (I've got to keep record here) and I found some psychological reactions described by John which had eroded between 1993 and 1995, the worst moment of my career flash of company manager. I especially hope that this will not affect the beautiful harmony of their relationship. Always
spoiled as host, will transcend the evenings with culinary delights, red wines from Australia that have nothing to envy our productions (the accompanying Penfolds brie with truffles and aged gruyere Township Vaulx: a marvel !), ending with a Davidoff and a glass of cognac. Many mitigating circumstances for my poor sleep the lapidary phrase: intellectual agility has exhausted in a conversation in English on the usefulness or not of marriage as strengthening the link between two people. The small panes of my Journal me then seemed very bland and asleep much more tempting.
These last two nights, tender texting my BB: a mild further Himiko with a dodo at the foot of the bed. Shue describes me the positives of my relationship with BB: its character, its activity and management report of my women appear as an ideal for me. Yes, I'm in a sentimental serenity never reached without hindrance for my emotional relationships and friendships.

Saturday, September 21, 11:45 p.m.
The year of our greatest industrial disaster. Psychological disturbance, beyond the physical damage, still persist.
Tonight opened with my JT TF1 rue Vauban, thirty meters from my house, where stood one of the two caches of weapons and explosives from the former Direct Action, and its bloody Artificer Max Frerot, said the threat. Last night when we received the godmother of BB to dinner, parade under the windows of all the state counts as security forces and help the police, gendarmerie, CRS, firefighters, demining, EMS ... Sunday, September 22


Heritage Day shared with my sweet BB on the slopes of the Croix Rousse, with an end of wandering in Nardone. The coming week is lightened a bit more for me and allows me to intensify my thesis.
As I was calculating, advances editorial Heim have been followed by any implementation. We have our
absurd conflict in Europe between Catholics and Protestants in Northern Ireland seems unquenchable hatred. Cascading mess for a religious squabble clan no more advanced than those of the early history. If only the irresistible trend gregarious of man, his submission to the collective, could disappear in favor of a humanistic and rational individualism ... That the road is still long for a glimpse of a quiver of web depth in the materialist humanoid. Monday, September 23


New twist in the case of the publication of Hash . Heim name in the late afternoon to make sure its willingness to make it appear in its entirety, and I praise the quality of style. His thesis to justify procrastination editorials: excessive involvement that made him hide the data purely literary. Disengagement Reciprocal favor the emergence of the work alone. The praise for this Journal are not the first that I made. since it would raise criticism about his family (?). This is another ambiguous mixture. Finally, the key is to stick to the author-publisher relationship: it must send in a few weeks a publishing contract. Hence, only the publication of this text and its legal deposit, we will occupy, without drift. Tuesday, September 24


Tonight feature JT as health minister, Jean-Francois Mattei. It reminds me of one of my old adventures Parisian photographer who taught me to play (slowly) a few pieces by Satie, was a few years after his mistress and the doctor was then a member.


7:35 p.m. Sunday, September 29. My BB still tend to work, the sun disappeared Sunday. Lyons fills my life my relationship needs and my bouts of loneliness.
Elo and her boyfriend Jerome last night for dinner before a night at the First club Lyon for the bourgeoisie. The friendship with Elo emotional anchors a deep sympathy for the kindness of her partner emerges, and my BB is calm in his love. Nothing to do, I not return to the north of the Loire ... Monday, September 30

Finally, I felt much more narrow at the castle, where the only emotional moments of respite were limited to nine square meters of my room in my den Lyon . In light of itself, it is the way I need for this new existential trajectory.
Final reading of part of the thesis Shue completed. I will submit my few tens of Corrections by email. My own work
PhD student will be able to rise as three theses Leautaud requested by Interuniversity loan are available until October 30.
The French political parties need to relifted with great lyrical layers more or less puerile. After the Blue House as a proposed name of the current UMP Leforestier be happy, that's left for the birth of the New World, a remake of Columbus in hostile country. From there that will spend some Oinj to do more cool, and we offer other hardware to seduce us, there is little ... A new
Spielberg released Wednesday with Tom Cruise, thinking about the future to secure the technological sophistication danger ahead. Tomorrow night, with BB and a few acquaintances in Lyon, we should discover the Palme d'Or 2002, Pianist . Out
few films, JT and a few documentaries, television does not really captivates me most: is it me that ripens or PAF that ferments? Some interesting analysis
Marie-Noëlle (a friend recently) the personality shines through in the first pages of my diary, 2000. My relationship with women in a quest for an absolute unattainable (the famous female entelechy) reveals a despair cultivated. Always curious gaze of others on oneself, and especially more when we wrote this serves as a prism through.
I gotta let the crunching of my Sheaffer for tapping computer ...

Condolence Thank You To A Close Friend

Friday, October 4

The most endearing gruff
The Literary Journal stands as the form of writing most in harmony with the existential path of Paul Leautaud: in his yard, according to an instinctive response to channel his despair and extend a presence in a world abhorred. Diarist for pleasure above all, by necessity perhaps, but perhaps also acts as a fidelity to his conception of literary art, not turned himself into the attractive sphere of the imagination, but engages the partial perception, to gross, its universe of life, vocational and emotional-sexual, his thoughts live without the security of a distancing. Do not fear contradiction with itself, the excessive cathartic on the other, the apparent inconsistency of a fragmented relationship, subjective and fragmented.
The harmony between this copy written testimony and interviews radio leaves emerge from the bottom intentional Leautaud an involuntary modernity. The devil remains as misanthropic writer in literary history by his Journal , basically. This work, more than any other, is designed to rehabilitate, to legitimize the kind that diarist draws its appeal in what may appear at first sight, such as defective. The trembling hand that sublime musical interpretation can be found here, in literature, and offers another way than the refined imagination, structuring or early lyricism calculated. This more direct literary accuses than any other echo of its author, in his ability to be in writing. From there a fade that makes the newspaper, simultaneously, the crucible and the work. The yardstick of Leautaud, with its flights and its pettiness, its inconsistencies and its commitments, its transcendence and its daily life, offers the most humane works, that which gives itself despite its fallibility. Proximity literary, "that is not the least of the paradoxes for the recluse he was socialized.
This is probably the topic of my thesis, and synthesis of content that will appear in the relevant source file ... Sleep overtakes me, my BB was caught last few minutes. I reread this attempt to express what improvised ripening in me about this research work.

Saturday, October 5, 8:25 p.m.
Since Vernègues small town perched towards the cleansing winds, performance venue for the choir of BB, received by the meeting place of the chorus. Housed in a charming couple, the evening promises a musical eclectic, contemporary songs from the French variety or rebirth (for choir Arioso BB) to the traditional songs of Provence Lei Topin the Vintage host choir.
Afternoon the autumn sun with minor teaching duties on Monday, then plunged into the thesis Leautaud Paul, a writer at war . From
touching attentions to my 33 Spring: BB's parents mail me a box representing the wines of Winery (red, white, rosé and sparkling), Louise's sister, BB, offers me a photo album on some of the greatest French writers of the twentieth (Celine Montherlant, Duras, Prévert ...) including the guy from Fontenay.
Nothing to do, I do not feel at ease in these meetings, so I scribbled by automatic pending the commencement of musical representation.
23:50. Under the pale neon, but administratively correct, the night continues on rhythms of Provence. I delight in a position of eyewitness reluctant (and not gifted) for dancing shared. The atmosphere population at will, good-after all, rests the mind.

Passage Happy Louise, Mary and Laura, two friends of the museum, before returning to Arles night. A nice accessory to enliven the evening.
The movement of existence carries its archetypes: the eternal back of the ride can tire one that distances itself and no longer attempts to extract the best in any situation. Justify its weaknesses, mediocrity by a penchant contemptuous. No salvation for the soul chilly unable to assume its contingencies. The hermetic lyricism was always his little comic effect. The dance final brings together the hearts to a humanity so fragile and so close to the barbarous condition.


Thursday, October 10 After receiving a letter of delusional Elen, decision to respond. [ Letter reproduced below. ]

Elen,
Thank you for my crucifixion masterful: I just celebrated my 33 years! As you invite me to the end of your e-inflammatory, but so pathetic, I take the time to answer them as completely as possible.
I will include the elements of your argument inflamed:
you'll have to listen better to what they tell you that your attacks would have any chance of achieving their goal: I never said you t 'interested in men "only to satisfy [your] sexual desires! What I called you back street firsthand head But then the phone is in a position of principle that thou hast repeatedly stated when the conversation touched this area: you could consider a friendly relationship with a man who shared your love life. It is far from insulting your ramblings!
The condition that I set myself up "poor guy" is not true: I was alone on the phone when I called your relational philosophy. I have no need for you to criticize my beloved to reach orgasm! You make me catalogs still in the sex-obsessed, confusing and pathology deviant carnal indulgence.
I acknowledge my neglect to call you, but only of negligence and certainly not "hypocrisy" or "cowardice". If you want an explanation for myself and I'll summarize what I think of you (vision refined by mail that you send me crazy) I'm at your disposal. I made enough commitments and risks in my life, faced the worst for me dispense your nickname lessons of courage ... As for the gerrymandering pamphleteer, I practice both oral and written ... If you want risk, I also find availability.
On the merits, it seems odd that you reproach me that silence from your side while you did nothing for me raise (apart from the small word). I probably have a management relationship too lax, but I always say to someone who manifests. In accusing me this lack of initiative you doing out first self-criticism.
My way of maintaining a relationship with former girlfriends has so far gone well, and she decided on a case by case basis. In case your cyclothymia sickly, your depth of hatred and your relationship to man inclined me to want to be transparent about my situation sentimental. There you are again at odds with yourself: one side I would be hypocritical, the other I am moved in my desire for a relational clarity.
Proof of your inability to confess the true meaning of your actions, you establish the cause of seeing myself in ... geographical proximity! In this case gives you the comfort level of friendship, it would be more responsive to your motivation. A constant
your mail is to attack the other, to say that you're interested not in any way to him, you never felt anything, or so little that did not match any of your physical or moral tastes better hide your own shortcomings. Expensive Elen, what does that make me today that my house does not attract you ... I find that comment ridiculous and pitiful mediocrity! I deal with your confession dozens of testimonials to the antipodes, a life filled with tremendous love and today a lovely girlfriend who loves me passionately and do not take offense of my female friends ...
My attraction for you? It would be beastly perhaps, but without any existential perspective, therefore irrelevant. Again you are trying to attack me as if I had claimed the status of laughable "Heartbreaker"! Compare our lives, Let us gauge the qualities and faults of each other. I know what I am and what I am worth, on your side you seem more gifted to stigmatize the other (messy way) that to judge what you are, no doubt convinced of possessing the truth. I taught me to constantly question my beliefs.
flagrant contradiction even when you confess regret contacted me a long while hailed me in writing ... may trigger some pride in my grief! Masterly missed it then.
Your arguments peppered with ad hominem attacks wishes to the universe fantasy and hate that you've created. You have probably buried in the depths human qualities, but what comes of this writing is the spirit of revenge, depression and contemptuous of the other.
My answer will probably accentuated by your certainty of being right and being touched by anything, especially not by me (last thing I am grateful for your mental balance!), But it has at least merit to ring another bell sound that your delusions systematized.
Whatever your resentments, I wish you the best. Saturday, October 12


Pleasant Afternoon reading the thesis Byung-ok Leautaud Li on the park's head Now that autumn begins its transformation. My BB works this weekend and unfortunately could not accompany me.
A week later I still love and friendships ruined: my sweetheart, celebrating my birthday on Wednesday night, Tuesday Late Night with Eddy and Bonny in the cozy bar located at the top of the tower with a pencil-pianist-singer very nice friend Bonny, 30 night club on Friday night when I accidentally found a colleague who Forpro surprised to see me so expansive and friendly (I stay back from the savage mind by teaching staff); Saturday lunch at home with Marie-Noëlle makes us go to various countries intellectual in the evening, exit strip with Elo, Jerome and a lovely Shaina of Algerian origin, but the Indian beauty. Finally, no need to spread material to cultivate friendships: that fidelity is good for the soul and peace with mankind. Let them carefully: Elo, Bonny, Eddy, and perhaps soon Jerome, are a top leader of this happy friendship.
work calls me, but I must return to the meaning of this new life that emerges in a serene fulfilling with my BB so sweet, so understanding of my inclinations and so faithfully loving. To her I'm primarily a welfare found. Thursday, October 17


A quick and disappointing telephone interview earlier this week with Jean-Pierre M., my new supervisor. All he is telling me on my summary is too complicated to style (it certainly did "pompous"): this reminds me of my uncle Jean-Louis, discovering my poems, was too laden vocabulary, or correcting my copy of the French ferry, exasperated by a style so sophisticated! All these censors omitted just consider my great practice of writing and I have no need to design limitation of the French language: why can not I enjoy his wealth and how the use of specific words, even they are difficult to access, overnight it to my thoughts? With their economies language, how a Bloy, an Artaud, a Mallarmé could they carve their expression?
This bodes ill maybe the reports that I have this teacher, especially since the administration of the University Lyon adds another layer of inconvenience: I am now considered sixth year of contention when I resume from scratch! And no way to reason with them about color mid mid Kafkaesque absurdity of their sacrosanct inner workings. These fat ass stinking world, dammit!
Received date extandable by the carrier, a very charming attention from Shue and John, eight crystal wine glasses from Riedel brand (one of which did not survive the transport) to remind me with every sip sharing so enjoyable to Lutry foods, alcohol and Davidoff.
My schedule lightened must be exploited to advance the input data to be used in my thesis.
Tomorrow, starting with my BB to Paris for a festive weekend birthday deferred. I would have been very spoiled from all sides to these thirty-three years of existence ...
Still no publishing contract for Hash Heim promised me that within a fortnight after his appeal on 23 September. This turns the joke frankly editorial.

Saturday, October 19
At Mom and John, moved with BB, Jim and his friend Aurelia, a charming young woman with a very gentle pace. Yesterday discovery in Paris of Picasso-Matisse exhibition at the Grand Palais. Amusing confrontation apparently works contrary to their rules of creation, but where it uncovers affiliations. A paradox as Matisse, the bard of stroke curves, the softness of pictorial expression shocked by the meeting of certain colors and eclectic tendency of his compositions; Picasso himself, led by the taste of the breakdown, shock imaged, instills greater unity to most of his creations, and finds this bias by the true path of powerful harmony. Opposite effect to the intentional primer for each of them. One way have moments of artistic consistency that creates a dialogue between sharpened their works.
This day is dedicated to physical and emotional release to the pleasures of the table, they found a worthy home dad echo tomorrow. Serenity
of improvised hacks while mom, Aurelia and BB are busy in the kitchen, and John and Jim have gone for a secret mission. Copies removed all corrected, I will immerse myself in the pages of retrieved Literary Journal father Leautaud (Vol. XIX). Tuesday, October 22


Pleasant passage in my family. A Parmain, my mother and Jean are a couple serene and welcome us with a warm simplicity. In Rueil Malmaison, my father and Anna, with the adorable Alex and Raph, give me a kit for all lovers of fine wine and a box pusher Rapier, Gascon specialty. At thirty-three years, the pleasures of life widen and thicken without being smug ... Wednesday, October 23


As for having the last word, Elen C. I returned the mail dispatched riddled with as many answers as red as she thinks wise. Since she advises me, I will not waste my time responding, it's too pathetic. I will leave on his sense of intellectual victory, reserving a gargantuan laughter. This amused me a lot on the merits. Saturday, October 26


Vision amazing to issue single-Bedos Ardisson: singer Renaud old porridge soaked in alcohol, the verb stammering, trembling hands ... the hoodlum of the song seems to destroy itself by excess desperate. Sunday, October 27


The thesis satisfies me monopolized good this weekend, and I'm at an early stage preparations. My BB is on the deck of the backup is three days, I focused my energy on the selection of passages relevant to my thinking theses Teyssier and Byung-ok
Li A little quality time with Marie-Noelle in a local café Brotteaux. Before the break, passing by chance at the Galerie Saint-Hubert, presenting paintings by school Etampes. The keeper hosting cultural shows me the Visionaries, and in particular troop leader Di Maccio there ten years, but he likes least the recent turn of his artistic journey. Prices seem in any case have soared according to him. The two originals of the Castle Will they ever exceed the value of the building? Still nothing received
Heim.

I scratch these pages going through the mill of the character recognition (what a fabulous tool!) Summaries of New Dictionary of works Journal of great writers (Claudel, Gide, the Gourmont , Fox ...). The positive constants such rehabilitate literally requires to have a panoramic view of the main synthetic and representatives of the writing staff. All these pages combined will, hopefully, refine my reflection PhD student!
Elo my dear friends and Bonny have arisen distance today: the first by a phone call that an update of the news personally. Her mother, admitted a few days at the backup seems to have a bowel obstruction, the old dog died Babou, Jerome had to leave his see his sick grandmother, which deprived them of each other for the holidays All Saints. Not very cheerful overview really. In an attempt to brighten up the table, and on the occasion of the twenty-first birthday on October 29, she comes to eat with us on Tuesday evening. This emotional friendship has taken a stride foreshadows a bright future of mutual trust. Bonny
sends me a text message to invite us to go to Club 30 tonight: my BB out of his later work, and me getting up early tomorrow, I regretfully declined the invitation. Again, I have a reliable, enthusiastic and with whom it is good to share moments of friendship. By contrast, a primer illusory cordial relationship with Muriel (met at the park this summer) who had no scruples to ask us a rabbit. No interest in deepening, including in writing. Meanwhile my tender
BB, a Bond from his store, the first with Pierce Brosmann to relax the studious end of day.

Tuesday, October 29

Resumption of the first volumes of JL to refresh my literary atmosphere of the early years Leautaud diarist. I have come to 1905, the year of thirty-three years, where he appears as little as I stowed's professional legal end of his collaboration with the study Lemarquis, he is looking for a regular link with provincial review, but the shadow of the Mercure de France benefits become clearer. Read there fourteen or fifteen years, I could appreciate some of its states of mind like today. His report to the woman seems ambiguous, despite the clearly defined principles.
Warned by my father's intellectual swindle a call via the Internet to deforestation in the Amazon. In fact, recover a maximum of Internet addresses for advertising pollute wild. My first membership in a dark entrance petition.
These few lines from the Tête d'Or park in late afternoon in autumn colors, the wind rising to the rhythm of the sun disappears behind the hills Lyon. Elo
party this day twenty-one spring. We do not see maybe Thursday night because of her migraines and she will resume today at Annecy probably see a specialist headache. My BB bold
short while I scribble these tiles. To each his training.

Hail Muhammad!
After the hostage taking in Moscow, the violence of the chemical release in order not to lose face sobering policy on the methods used against mass terrorism. Hopefully we know the truth, anyway, does not affect us reassure pouring bloody persistent humanity. Both in my relationship I am close to becoming more social and philanthropist, as the convulsions of Civilization deleterious persuade me to a final disgust for my fellow. The prism
media certainly accentuates the horror of the world, but the causes of conflict, the motivations of the killings remain as primary as millennia passed, the technical sophistication to adding a human aberration.

Thursday, October 31, 11:45 p.m.
Between two dives in the writings or Leautaud, I agree several times to capture the rest of my Journal pamphleteer, the year 2000. Shock to discover passages so desperate that I am crying on a lonely unsatisfactory marked by successive relationships without sustaining as possible. How this state of mind seems far away today. I most certainly can not satisfy my sexual appetite for discovery, but I feel a deep serenity in constructive duality. A
a loved addition it induces the structure of relationships or it can flourish. At my approach of isolation experienced difficulties was replaced by a determination opportune moment for my character between duality, popular beaches of solitude and interviews friendly control. The wounds are past me now as a token of experience to justify my comments or my seat in relation to other insurance inflamed. I think I know my limits existential, and I have no intellectual limits except that of my own intelligence. These pages provide, beyond a daily cleaner, assess and judge the contributions of past and amputations.
emotional reunion with my parents, since they have found a soul mate (thank you Anna and John) behaved in exemplary way with me, do not they worth more than the malaise experienced by flirting with the People of the North ?